you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
