Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
