we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
