I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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