Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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