im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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