Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
