he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
