Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
