In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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