it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm bleeding and have questions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
