She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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