Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
