Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
