is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
