so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
