4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
