A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Houston, we have a squirter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
