i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
