Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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