You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
