I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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