How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
