my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
