I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
