Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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