god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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