i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
