Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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