Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
