Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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