D3 body, D1 cock
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
