I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
