I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
