i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
