Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
