Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
