Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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