At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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