He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
