you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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