She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
