i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
