NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
