she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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