omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
