Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
