i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
