I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
