Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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