I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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