there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
